A Reason To Start Judging Others.

A connotation which often attracts negative side eyes. The last article talked about how we shouldn’t be judging others, this article is going to talk about one of the major reasons to actually start judging others.

Firstly, what does judging other’s mean? The word itself gives off a negative vibe, in-fact even when you google “what does judging others mean?” The highlighted answer you get from the Cambridge dictionary is “to express a bad opinion of someone’s behaviour, often because you think you are better than them”. Though this may be the common use-case understanding of this sentence, it’s best to understand that judgements can be both positive as well as negative.

In this article we’ll be talking about “Judgements” in a neutral sense and we’ll be discussing at-least one important reason to start judging the people who you engage with and who you repulse. Of course through a story:

Hamza is a young adolescent, a highly moral 8th grader whose only focus in life was to get good enough marks to keep his parents satisfied and play super hard with his friends whenever he manages to have free time. Hamza’s parents trusted Hamza, he was a sincere young son, not only did he care for his parents feelings but he also did so for his friends too. He adored them, he spent ample time with them, playing football, hanging out at the local mall and attending sleepovers whenever his parents allowed him to.

Hamza had his boundary defined quite well, anything which displeases his parents or would make them sad is strictly not to be done. This wasn’t something enforced onto Hamza by his parents, it was something he took as his own moral responsibility, a passive rule of thumb, out of the love and respect he had for his parents and the liberty they gave him.

Hamza had one quite dynamic peer. Siraj, he had been Hamza’s friend since 3rd grade, Siraj adored Hamza’s presence but was also kind of annoyed by him. 

One night at a night stay Siraj pulled out something which shook Hamza, something which Hamza really disliked. A box of cigarettes Siraj managed to steal while his mom was purchasing groceries at a nearby store.

Hamza immediately called out Siraj in front of their entire friend group “Are you crazy! Do you know what have you pulled out?”, Siraj asked Hamza to shut up and quit the drama. With both mutually angry with each other, Hamza decided to stay in while Siraj went out to try the new “exciting” thing he had bought with the rest of the group.

Hamza’s decision to confront Siraj wasn’t without its aftermath. As they parted ways after high school, Hamza couldn’t shake off the lingering guilt over whether he had been too harsh in his judgment. However, during their tentative reconciliation at their farewell party, Hamza realised the importance of his initial stance. Despite their differences, it was a moment of mutual understanding and respect that allowed them to part ways amicably.

Off into their college lives Hamza was looking for a group of friends he could engage with, moving out because of studies had put Hamza in a lonely state which he hadn’t been in before. He always saw a group in his class, who seemed to be very loyal and tightly knit. This drew in Hamza’s attention, he thought perhaps they could give him a sense of family which he longed for in his new venture, but there was an issue, the group of guys Hamza looked up to were all smokers, concerning Hamza. Hamza recalled his reconciliation with Siraj, he started to reason and talk to himself about how he probably missed out on so much by staying away from Siraj because of his smoking habit. He decided,  this time he wouldn’t let his boundary sway his decision and started talking and engaging with that group. 

Slowly yet surely, he had gotten quite comfortable around them.

One outing, they pulled out a pack of cigarettes, glancing over, Hamza was reminded of the night he had his fight with Siraj. “You don’t smoke do you? At least give it a shot to know if you like it or not”. Hamza hesitantly replied that he doesn’t mind them smoking around him but he wouldn’t ever smoke.

As time went on, one thing lead to the other. few years later, Hamza developed a sense of imposter syndrome, a feeling of a lack of belonging in an environment or community. Hamza contemplated the words his friend said when they first got to know he doesn’t smoke “give it a shot to know if you like it or not”. While being in a vulnerable state, blended with the contemplations of that statement and an ever increasing sense of subconscious peer pressure. Hamza eventually took a puff at their next event. It got a lot of eyeballs and attention from the people of the group, the attention did certainly initially please him, they were happy to see Hamza in on their events, but Hamza was not.

As time passed, Hamza found himself grappling with an unexpected dilemma. Despite his initial guilt over judging Siraj, he gradually found himself drawn into a new phase of his life—one where smoking became a regular habit.

While smoking may have seemed inconsequential within his social circle, for Hamza, it held significant weight. Each puff he took seemed to chip away at his identity, eroding the moral foundation he had fostered since the birth of his youth. It was as if he was losing himself with every exhale of smoke, drowning in a habit that contradicted everything he stood for.

Hamza began to question his sense of self. The very identity he had once prided himself on now seemed to slip through his fingers, replaced by the haze of tobacco smoke. It was a disconcerting realisation, feeling like he had relinquished his independence and become a mere follower of his desire and his peers within his group.

Hamza realised, hitting the first puff wasn’t an outcome of an immediate thought, it was an outcome of years of subconscious conditioning which had normalised the consumption of tobacco in his mind. Even though it was never accepted by him, with every other person he saw smoking, somewhere in the back of his mind the intensity of the act decreased, its acceptance increased, in his subconscious it was firmly unleashed. An allure that never easily ceased.

TLDR: Judging someone to compare yourself intending to showing oneself as superior or inferior to another is almost always wrong. But one valid reason to start judging people is self-preservation. Whether a person likes it or not, his environment almost always passively or actively affects his actions, or his thinking which then affects his actions. Whether knowingly or unknowingly some self reflection will reveal to us what traits we have acquired from our circles and surroundings. When you choose the people you wish to be with or surround yourself with, you’re choosing who you wish to be.